What do you say? (Mums of stillborn)


#1

I had an acquaintance message me on FB
She’s lost a baby (full term)

“I have to take a minute to share my heart with you… as a mama who lost a full term stillborn baby, all your posts of reborn babies stop my heart and take my breath each and every time… I’m sure these posts are very difficult for every mom who has lost a baby because the likeness to a stillborn is uncanny.
I’m gonna unfollow you because it is too painful, not for any other reason. I trust you know my heart in this…”

Now I feel badly as I had not thought it would affect people like this :frowning:


#2

Don’t feel bad, its not your fault and some people are put off by reborns even if they have never lost a baby. Also all reborns do not look like a stillborn nor do all people who have had a stillborn child or lost a child have issue with reborns. No matter what you do (reborns or anything else), or say, someone could possibly be “offended” or upset by it on social media. Its terrible that she lost a baby but its not your fault that your reborns have triggered her.


#3

Enjoy your artwork. The best thing that could be done in this situation, she already did - she unfollowed you. She could have done without going into detail (because -what good was it for?) but anyway. She moved on. And so should you.


#4

That’s so heartbreaking. Poor woman. That is art, I suppose, it can be interpreted differently from person to person. For one person, like her, it is her sadness, for another it can be their joy, they feel the moment they first held their child in their arms and smelled their forehead. Your art is emotion.


#5

Yes, this was kinda my thought, but I difnt want to be callous about it. My dad was killed in a car accident in the Fall…I would never want people to think they couldn’t ever say anything about the nice Fall weather, which to me Fall brings a few days of sadness,…


#6

I was gonna explain how for some mums, reborn bring comfort…but she is a counsellor so I’m sure she can relate to that


#7

Thank you!

I did tell her thanks for letting me know.i don’t hold anything against her


#8

Don’t feel bad and keep doing your art. Grief is different for everyone. I had a lady contact me to do a doll of her stillborn baby she even sent me a picture of the baby in the coffin. My personal experience was when I lost my daughter I was so distraught I would hold my reborn and cry. I think for every person that hates reborn’s there are others that need them for healing. God bless this woman in her grief.


#9

I feel terrible for this lady. Even thinking about it is painful, so I can not even imagine what she is dealing with.

That said, this is her pain, her grief, and she had to make a decision. She unfollowed you because it was triggering pain. Maybe at some point in time, she will see a reborn and not feel that way, but right now she does, so she did the right thing.

Her decision to unfollow is not a reflection on you personally and has nothing to do with this art form in general, so paint away. :blush:


#10

Ty! I can see that now


#11

I had a lady message me a few weeks ago, and sent me pics of her baby :frowning:


#12

Take it as a compliment that your Art is good enough to stir emotion. I do feel sorry for her too, I know what it is like to lose a child. For me I don’t relate the dolls to my loss, as I know they are dolls. Your friend probably gets emotional whenever she see a baby of any type that reminds her of her loss. Give her some time. We all mourn differently and for different lengths of time. I lost my Mom and have a couple of cousins that look and act like her - a blessing as I look like their Mom that has passed. It is so weird. So when we see each other we hold on for a minute cause it is pretty freaky. Good going @Mommarobin don’t ever stop painting your babies or feel bad. There are many triggers for some people.


#13

I appreciate your kind words!


#14

There’s not much to say - everyone interprets emotion in art differently. To her it evokes sadness but for a lot of people it brings joy. That’s why everyone enjoys different things.


#15

I understand as well. I lost my oldest son in 2011. I think the only thing you can say is that you are sorry and the last thing you wanted to do by sharing your artwork is to trigger someones pain.
I, personally, would not unload on someone else and try to make them feel badly for what they love. If she wants to unfollow you thats fine but she really didnt need to tell you that, what purpose did it serve? I don’t mean to sound cold but it seems like she is telling you that you should not post your babies and that it not only hurts her but potentially other people…its a bit like shaming really and, Im sorry, its wrong. Yes its terrible what happened to her, losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a parent and maybe she is still in the anger phase of grief…but its not your fault.


#16

Yes, for sure :frowning:

I can’t imagine…


#17

I edited my message…Im sorry but I think you are a good person and I don’t want you to feel badly…like @DollyPardon says, this is her grief…and I say it has nothing to do with you or your art.


#18

I find it odd that as a counselor, she tried to say it’s difficult to all moms who have lost a baby. A counselor should know that everyone grieves differently. Reborns bring joy to some grieving moms, sadness to others. But she tried to put grief in a box. Just because she feels that way, she assumes all grieving moms do. And hinting that you’re the cause of their constant grief? Um…no. You make dolls. That doesn’t cause grief. The real baby dying caused the grief. We all have a choice of how to deal with our triggers. Unfollowing was a great way to deal. Trying to make you feel guilty for her loss is not a good way to deal. :confused:


#19

That is very sad, but there are lot of sad stories and people who are dealing with grief are confronted with some image on daily basis. The world does not stop because of them. Some people who lost a baby may find it difficult to see babies and children out in public. People who lost spouses may find it difficult to see couples around. I know somebody who lost a husband in car crash and objected to a wrecking yard displaying in front mangled car wreck. She actually tried to complain to authorities.

It is up to each individual to deal with the world, difficult as it may be.

But that is why I hate FB. I prefer forums where like minded peple come, and their interests do not cross to other parts of their lives, or just superficially. Like going to doll forum to talk about our dolls, and to breed specific dog forum where we discuss issues about our dog breeding and showing and genetics and which products work/or not, or political forum where we can argue about what is happening in the world.


#20

Quite honestly, I’ve never understood this comment - I’ve had 3 losses and been a part of many support groups, I’ve seen a LOT of stillborn babies. I’ve never seen one that really looks like a reborn. Silicones look stillborn a lot of the time in my opinion - flatter hands, wiggling like dead weight, flat-ish faces. Reborns are round, lively, colourful, and posed. Stillborn babies become flatter and purplish in tone, their lips and nails become very very dark, their faces tend to “sink” or “slide.”

Regardless, though, she’s taking care of herself and her personal needs by protecting herself from the content that is bothering her. I really don’t understand the likeness she’s seeing in your reborns to her baby, but I’m glad she’s finding peace by avoiding them!!

For the record, your babies DEFINITELY look alive.